Friday, September 16, 2016

Writing Challenge: Sales War

This week the theme for the writing challenge from the Writing Fiction Facebook Group, was War. So I decided to go a bit of a different route and focus on two salesmen. I hope you like it.

When I do this kind of stuff, it's really just a first draft with some quick proofreading. So I'll admit there may be mistakes that I might have missed in this quick kind of writing.

That fucking asshole. He thinks he is so much better than everyone. Oh, sure he got the most sales in a single month, every month, for the past year. But it’s the new guy, he has all the shiney still. Just wait until he’s been here for 20 years. Let's see just how cool he is in 5 years from now. Shit, he’s walking this way. What the fuck does he want. “Hey, Cooper. How’s it hangin’ buddy!” what an assclown. “Next to your wife’s face.” is what i would have like to have said. “Same day, different shit pile.” is what I ended up saying. “You know Cooper. If you were positive, I bet you could have a lot more success.” Who the fuck did this asshole think he is? I give him a thumbs up, and go back to looking at the clients I have to call today. Hoping that will make him go away.

I start to make a list of people I need to call today. About half way through the list, I stop. I think to myself, I could be that assclown, sure I’d have to sell my soul to a crossroads demon, and I’d be dead in 10 years. But hey It would be worth it right. It would save me from the divorce I am on the path to getting. I start looking at my list again, and I select all the customers I have that are either about to have expired contracts, or who have just gone past their expiration date. I start calling them all up. It takes me four hours to call every last one of them.

“Yeah, and we can give you a year free which would give you a discount of five grand.” I waited hoping this guy would sign on the line. “Ok, that sounds good to me. I’ll sign.” Yes! “That’s fantastic sir. I’ll have the contracts sent right over.” I hung up the phone. I just signed up forty five new contracts. I stand up to look at the board. New Guy had sixty six for the month. Fuck me! I need at least seventy to beat this guy. I look through the phone book looking for businesses that I might be able to sign up. Checking each business against our records to see if they’ve ever done business with us before.

One after the other checked out, and I called them. Out of the twenty businesses I called ten of them signed up as new clients. I was closing in on McDouchebag, but not close enough. I was up to fifty five, and I just had an hour to get another seventeen sales written up. So I did what I thought I would never do, I pulled out the book of desperate times. These were former clients that said they’d never do business with us again. I knew of twenty that had a change in management. But would they sign on the line?

I started to make the calls, the first two were busts, they weren’t in the market for what we sold. The next two though, they were ready to sign with us again. It was a good sign I thought as I started to make more calls. Each one said yes, until I got to my last two. They both said no, that they didn’t want to be associated with us. I asked them why not, and they said that SEC investigations weren’t the kinds of things they wanted to be connected to. Understandable I guess. I hadn’t known about any investigation.

“Everyone Please Step away from your desks! I’m Agent Helms, and I’m from the F.B.I..” Shit, I thought, but I didn’t care I got 71 sales total. I beat the assclown. “Just a moment Agent Helms. I need to update the sales board.” He gave me permission to do so. I couldn’t have been happier with myself, but then the assclown showed up to update his sales. He got 72. Fuck! me!

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